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[Young_confused]

I love talking to people it is one of the few things that no matter how sleepy I am I love. As long as you talk I am listening or talking as well. I am just one of those people. Talking on here can be rather hard because looking at a computer screen get blurry and can make me sleepy. Also my memorie is really poor so I forget what I am saying part way though and say the same thing to the same person a lot of times or leave important things out. Or just people do not understand me because my grammer is weird and incorrect and my spelling is horible. I can go back though and fix it provided that I am fully awake (rare). Going back though the text makes me both mad (because I hate my mistakes) and sleepy (because it is boring)
This is a email that I wrote that I want to share with everyone on here. Please respond after reading! Or if you tried to and where unable for some reason. Or if you are searching for something else but found this instead. I do NOT care if you just say "read" or "tried" or something basic like that! I would like more but just that much is great for me. Tell me your story or respond. Just communicate.

I am not sure about joining on facebook. I cannot say everything I want to there. Because on there is who I am on the outside who I pretend to be. I say I am happy and that things are good and even when I compain there is a up side that I include. (This is good to a point) But want to talk to people on here about how I actually am feeling not like I do on facebook trying to think of the happiest way of putting things. Leaving out parts because they are not good or because they will hurt someone.
I also have not told everyone. Most people I have (it is easier then talking about my seizures) but it is still hard.

I am resent (3months or so). I do not like the doc that I fist saw about it. I am seeing another on the 15 of July.
When I see him I will make some real choise. Tell people and figure out how to live my life with this problem. But for now I am really confused mostly because of my seizures relation to it and my insurance being difficalt and most of my information having to be found out on the web because my old doc was so unhelpful.
Talking to people really does help though. About a month ago I have started going though my deppresive state again and I cannot seem to stop it. I dont eat much, and I have develuped a hate of sleep. I dont really feel like trying anymore but I am. Anything that I need to do I do.
I am not so good at the daily stuff (eating, sleeping, exersize, looking for work, figuring out school)
For now I am making sure I take my medications, making doctors appointments and going to them, going into work (I have a job that I am sometimes called into but its pay is random and hours are low). That is what I have been able to do.

Keeping myself alive is a big deal too (I used to be suisidle years ago but a family friend killed himself and his funeral was on the day I was planning on killing myself) ( could never kill myself now). Though I think about doing it I know I wont.

I am taking Nuvigil and that keeps me awake though most of the day. But when I am alone it does not help at all because my deppression keeps me from caring to do much else. I have to force myself to care about going to the bathroom and I ignore the pain in my stomic from not eating because making food or even chewing is a lot of effert to me right now.
I guess I mostly just dont know how my life is going to get better. Anything that used to sound fun to me now just seems like a lot of work.

While I am injoying things I really do love them but getting myself there is hard. People make that easier (I am a people pleaser) when people are going out or doing anything I join them a lot of the time (so long as I know I will be included not just sitting in a corner wishing I could be sitting in a corner at home). I enjoy swimming, and talking to people, working out, rock climbing, learning new thing, coming up with ideas but without other people a lot of things loose there intrest. Actually most everything does.

I remember when I was young (like 3ed grade or so) I used to go for long walks in the woods near my house. Some days from the time I woke up tell the sun was down. I would wonder about looking at things carving stuff in the trees, making up stories, looking for animals and insects. Somedays I would even bring my dog with me. But that seems to have changed now (maybe because instead of getting away from my parents now I want to get away from myself?)

I am not sure. I am just not sure about a lot of things. So I sit here on my computer. Look up jobs on craislist and play stupid fb games. I also reserch Narcolepsy and seizures and other illnesses. As well as talk to people on here. Write out what I am feeling. Then when I am done writting I go back to the TV.

[wisher]

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. It's hard for me to offer much advice; I'm not even sure your age or what stage of life you are in right now. I know that for PWN, we start to gauge every activity on how much energy it will take, and that can be a deciding factor on whether or not we want to do that activity, lol. Since my N got worse, I've stopped exercising because I just don't have the energy, and even cooking dinner seems like too much work. This can be worsened when you are depressed on top of that!

Perhaps once you see the new doctor, you can get on some more effective treatment. Be sure to mention the depression to the doctor too.

I'm not sure how all of this relates to talking to people. Do you just have a need for more social interaction? If that is what you are lacking, maybe that is a reason that you are feeling more depressed. Or do you mean talking to people specifically about your narcolepsy? I'm not sure.

In any case, I hope you can find some relief soon.