Jenji's Film Work
Posted 07 February 2009 - 06:03 PM
I have finally started to pop my head out of my procrastinating shell so that I might upload some of my film works onto YouTube. The following link will take you to a work that I thought in particular, my fellow narcoleptics could relate to.
The film is called inner chatter and was shot on 16mm b/w reversal film and video in and around Buffalo, NY back when I was in film school. I wrote and directed the piece, which is a short adaptation from an underground play I wrote awhile back.
The quality of the upload isn't exactly up to my liking, but eh, I can't have everything now can I?
I just wanted to be sure that you guys had a chance to take a look, as some of you may find it somewhat relatable, so I decided that YouTube would be my easiest option for sharing.
Please send me some feedback via NN, YouTube or even feel free to visit my blog at: jenjiworld
And please do browse around, read on about some of my idiosyncratic observations, long-standing screeds, and feel free to leave a comment if you so desire.
Posted 07 February 2009 - 08:31 PM
it reminds me of the phantom green sedan that used to follow me on the freeway in LA at night. I'd look over my right shoulder to change lanes and there it was, forest green 80's model sedan with no lights or driver. One night it passed me on the right at 90 mph and I never saw it again. just another recurring hallucination.
Posted 08 February 2009 - 04:16 AM
I've been dreaming to do something like that for a long while but been always met with obstructions:
* noone to lend me a video camera
* need to upgrade my pc
* learning curve still with video-editing and special fx.
I had this idea, but know that if I keep it to myself it may never be fulfilled ever.
So instead of just dreaming, I will just write it into script and ppl can take it from there.
Your video is good. And believe me I am hardly diplomatic - if i don't like something I just stay quiet, but if I do - I say it because truly it is (instead of to make the person feel better or for encouragement). So well done!
My previous idea was to make something "viral".
Something to budge people that are suffering from N condition but are not aware.
Also to budge (thick) doctors, family & friends.
There is loads of people with N and not aware and facing a lot of ignorance, prejudice and downright torture from society, peers and ultimately themselves.
It must be stopped.
On the bright side: However cursed N might seem, it still offer an unmatched door to incredible creativity channels.
It is just a matter of turning that around, transform that - make that into your greatest Power.
wishing you and for all - final success.
Posted 11 February 2009 - 11:56 PM
Sadly and ironically, about two hours ago I was feeling so detached from everything in this world. I'm still having problems with fever so I don't know if it's that and/or N, but I've been mostly in bed for a few months now. I realized today that I feel like l am watching life proceed as I stand on the sidelines, and I can't step into the game no matter how badly and desperately that I try. I had to stop your video and need to continue it at another time when I can handle it a bit better.
Well, I just finished it. I was overwhelmed at the opening with the shadowy fingers on her chest - not breast. She awakens to no one, etc. I can't think of a better way to express the hallucinations and the physical impressions that they leave me with once I realize that I'm awake. [back now after 20 minutes of time with my oldest trying to get him to go to sleep] This is a horribly isolating disease. My chest is still so full of sorrow and desolation even though it's been about half an hour after finishing the video. Then again, that was the state that I was in before I watched it through. You did a good job providing a video that illicited my strongest emotions. The sorrow comes from not being able to participate in life and the desolation comes from the aftermath of isolation. [you need to remember that it's been six months now that i've had problems with body temp and it has devoured me]. When the woman is in -I forgot, was it an elevator? - she is so quiet and looking around. I used to laugh all day and talked nonstop. I am so quiet now and just seem to observe life around me. The little girl reminds me of when I catch myself reminiscing. Wow. From the outside, narcolepsy sounds like a psychiatric disorder.
I'm sorry, though, the ending was not to my liking. It seemed antithetical, and maybe it's my state of mind, but it came across as a happy ending. Too American! Just kidding. I felt lost in an hallucination only to wake up to a sunshiny life - then bam! it's over.
*BEEP*, my husband is ready for me to go to bed. I've been in my room so much that I dread going back in. It's my f:ing dungeon.
HenryG stated: "On the bright side: However cursed N might seem, it still offer an unmatched door to incredible creativity channels."
You're right about the creative bent of narcolepsy. Schizophrenia seems to offer up infinite creativity, also.
Posted 12 February 2009 - 01:56 PM
And thank you as well Sleepless. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time as of late.
The film has had a myriad of interpretations, while as a maker I never truly reveal what my intent was/is b/c the work is meant to be entirely subjective, however I did provide a summary as to my concept, which I don't normally do, but I figured what the heck b/c I've been provided with so very much feedback regarding the content over the past couple of years.
To be brief, as a maker it has intentional Freudian overtones and many metaphorical indicators of the struggle with the self, isolation, suffering and detachment, which can be present in many, many different conditions; in fact, I've come across individuals struggling with bipolar disorder, anxiety issues, personality disorders, schizophrenia, addiction, sexual assault, childhood abuse, as well as individuals with N who have identified with this piece and provided me with feedback, as it has seen its share of gallery exhibitions, as well as having been featured in a number of different mental health benefits/fundraisers, so the feedback has been wonderful, as it's entirely rewarding to have this work speak to various individuals on so many different levels.
Overall, the majority of those individuals who identify with this piece feel a sense of enpowerment with the ending: that they themselves must realize that they may in fact be part of their own problem and making things more difficult for themselves than they need to be; that they need to take responsibility for their own mental health to whatever degree is possible, whether that's taking meds properly, meeting health appointments, or even just getting up in the morning and getting dressed; overall, I have heard that it allows individuals to look inward and become more proactive in their own existence; to stop being a victim of their own conditions; however as a narcoleptic it can be difficult to embrace this ending and rightly so, as so very much of our condition is entirely out of our control, so I can see why you may feel it is antithetical and too happy in the end, especially whilst weathering such a nasty flare.
Regardless, I provided this film for the narkies here at NN b/c I figured that many of you could probably identify with the shrouded figures/hallucinations etc., and I'm happy that this film spoke to you in that it may have made you feel a little less alone in your suffering. I hope that once you start to work out of your current N flare you'll begin to feel once again empowered and ready to kick N's butt as best as you can possibly manage.
feel better soon!
Posted 18 February 2009 - 04:56 PM
Thank you, again, for sharing your work. Thanks especially for telling us your concept behind the film. That is rare.
You obviously were given a great gift of intuition. Please keep the link to your blog on here. I will go to it soon.